PIKIN' to BOONT

Going to Boonville

              
 
     The exterior of the Smith’s house denied the fashion commotion that was going on inside.  All that day Alice had been changing into different outfits.  She was trying to find the perfect outfit that would fit her mood for the day even though her parents waited patiently outside in the wagon.  
        “That girl!  She’s tried on all of her clothes and some of mine.”
    Bayless responded with a chuckle and a question.  “Do you remember being her age?”
        “What are you getting at Bayless Smith? You hintin' that my memory is going?”
Bayless jumped down from the wagon.  “No,” he replied.  “I wouldn’t dare do that.  But do remember waiting for you for quite a spell when I would come a’courtin’.  Why, sometimes I’d whittle a whole peach tree branch waiting for you to get ready.”   
        “You’re exaggerating Bayless. You’d better be careful. You know that all liars will burn in the lake of fire.”  
        “Then I hope you’re wearing fire-proof petticoats, Mrs. Smith.”  
        “You leave my petticoats out of this,” Mary said with a smile for Bayless.  She turned to face the house. 
         “Alice, if you don’t hurry and get out here, we’re going to leave without you.”  Alice dashed out the door shouting. “I’m coming Momma."
        “She must get her slow moving from your side of the family,” Mary quipped to
Bayless. 
        “I’ll take whatever the good Lord blames me for,” Bayless replied. 
Alice ran out the front door headed for the wagon.  She carried her long skirt in one hand and held on to her bonnet with the other.  Her thick mane of gorgeous reddish-brown hair bounced off her shoulders as she jumped down the front steps.  
    Mary and Bayless watched their only daughter run to the buggy thinking that she looked to be one-third child and two-thirds woman.  
        “Look at her, Mary, what man wouldn’t wait for her.”
        “She is a beauty”
        “She gets that from your side of the family,” Bayless said with a nod to Mary.  
        “I’d have to agree with you,” Mary replied as she reached a hand to help Alice into the buggy.”
         “I’m sorry, I just wanted to be sure that all the animals were fed and …”
    Mary interrupted her daughter with a knowing look that is exclusive to mothers who adore their children and know them well.  
        “And you wanted to make sure that you put on your Sunday best for the hop.”
    Alice’s pale, porcelain cheeks warmed with a sudden rosy hue.  
        “Yes mam, you know me too well momma.”  
        "Your momma used to be a girl, Alice."
     Mary gave Bayless a playful smack for his poorly disguised jibe.    
    Alice leaned over the front buggy seat to kiss both her parents.  “Be nice, you two.”  
    Bayless whipped the reins, clicked his tongue, and headed the team of chestnut Morgans off down the road.     
    The Smiths talked among themselves in a light hearted banter.  They waved to hired hands that hauled hops and lumber to the brewery and the mill and to farmers who carefully guided their wagons that were loaded high with hay bales to the barn.  
        “There’s a turn ahead in the road, Papa, ring the bells!”  
    At Mary’s command, Bayless rang the bells that were suspended from poles on each side of the wagon.   
        “Papa, why do you ring the bells?”
        “Folks coming from the other direction can’t see us coming around this turn.  We ring the bells to let them know we are sharing the road with them.  This is how this area got its name Bell Valley.”
         “I always have to remind him to ring the bells.”
         “Momma Mary, how do I get up and down this mountain without you?”
          “I don't know. And don’t you be talking sharp to me, Bayless. I’d rather have you ring these bells if there weren’t a soul coming for miles than have you not ring them and see neighbors and horses in a heap.  We have our precious child to see to and we have neighbors that are a mite fond of their younguns, too.”    
     Buggy bells rang out at that same moment.  Bayless guided the team to the side of the road to allow the oncoming buggy to pass.  
        “And it helped an angel get her wings,” Alice said with a knowing smile.  
         “We’re just full of good deeds today,” Bayless said, beaming as he waved at the passing wagon.   
         “There’s just getting to be too many people in this valley, Mary. You meet people coming and going every five miles or so.”
        “I don't want to move Papa!" Alice cried.  
        "Don't worry Alice; your daddy likes to complain about the traffic. Somehow it makes him feel like he's doing something about it."
        “I don’t want to move, Papa,” Alice repeated in a calmer tone.
         "You needn’t concern yourself child.  I just like to blow off steam."
        “Save me a dance, Miss Alice,” Mason Lawson called from the approaching buggy as it rounded the corner into view.  
    Alice turned her back to Mason who had pursued her for quite some time despite Alice’s continual rejections.  
    She had complained to Momma.  “Mason won’t take no for an answer!  He thinks that because he’s rich, he can buy what he wants or pursue it like a coon dog after a coon until the coon’s too wore out to run anymore.  Well, I ain’t no coon and I ain’t for sale so Mr. Mason Lawson might just as well go bark up another tree!”
    Mason reined in his team.  As he slowly passed the Smith’s wagon, he tipped his hat, smiled a broad smile, and repeated, “I’m counting on that dance, Miss Alice.”
    Alice caught a glimpse of Mason from the corner of her eye but she refused to acknowledge him.  
        “Good day Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” he called out with a confident smile and then moved on down the road.  
        “Alice Smith!  Why, I never!”  Mary cried, turning to her daughter.  “Young lady, you’d best treat that young man in a civil manner.  Your papa buys grain from his family.”              
        “Momma, if I give Mason Lawson one inch he’ll take a mile. I will not encourage him.”
        “I don’t care for that young whelp, either,” Bayless said.  “It’s a peculiar thing.  His parents are the salt of the earth.  They worked hard to build that ranch and like you and me, Momma, they have only one child.  He’s a bit spoiled if you ask me,”  
         “They give him everything,” Momma said.    
         “I could use a little more of everything,” Alice added sheepishly.
     Momma turned again to Alice.  “Then you’d better set your bonnet for Mason, Missy, if “more of everything” is what you’re pining for.  Mason’s the only one that’s highpockety around here.”  
         “Never!”  Alice cried and shivered at the thought.  
         “Then you make sure that them words what comes out of your mouth is the same ones that you keep in your heart.  You know what the Good Book says…”
        “I know, Momma.  Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks… I’m sorry. Sometimes my words fly out faster than I can rein ‘em in.”  
    The family turns to the sound of fast approaching horses.  
        “Why, it’s Beth and her brother, Aaron!  They’re my friends from school.  Papa, Papa, stop!”
        “Why are you going so fast?”  Alice asked, unable to conceal her excitement at this unexpected meeting.  
        “Land of the living, we’re never going to get to town at this rate!”  A disgruntled Bayless swore as he pulled the buggy over for a second time.  
       “Didn’t you hear? Didn't you hear?” Aaron cried in excitement.  “The circus is coming to town!”
        “The circus!”  Alice squealed.  
        “She must get her lungs from your side of the family,” Bayless cried and covered his ears with his hands.
        “I’ll take whatever the Good Lord blames on me,” Momma replied without looking up from the piece that she crocheted.   
     Beth kneed her chestnut mare and rode up alongside the wagon.   “Last night a messenger from the circus put up posters everywhere.  It’s so exciting!”
         “Papa, let’s hurry.  I want to see the circus ride in!  What a wonderful day to come to town!”  
    Beth reined her horse toward town.   “Alice, we’ll meet up later,” she promised.
        “Okay, I’ll meet you at the mercantile after the circus parade.” 
         "See you there!" Beth cried and rode off with Aaron.  
         “Is everyone ready to go? I’d like to get to town before nightfall,” Bayless said in a huff.  He picked up the reins and clucked his tongue to the horses.  
         “Don’t be so grumpy, Bayless.”  
         “I really want to get there soon, Papa!"
         "Me too. I'm starting to dream about the hotel’s bahl gorms.*  
          “Why, Bayless Smith!  It ain’t like I don’t serve you good food at home!  I seem to remember you wolfing down three Easters (eggs), two horns of zeese (cups of coffee), fried boo (potato) and a slice of sifter (watermelon) just this morning! I’ve not heard any complaints about the gorms (food) I cook at home.”  Momma’s voice was indignant.  
         “Now Momma, you’re forgetting yourself.  You’re speaking some strong Boont in front of our daughter.”  
         “And I’ve not uttered a single word I’d have to ask the Good Lord to be excusing!  I am saying before God and Heaven that Alice’s daddy has a hollow leg!”  
         "Oh, Papa!  Look at me, I’m sixteen years old.  Don’t you reckon I’ve learnt some Boont in my days?”    
    Bayless turns in his seat to meet his daughter’s eyes with a frown.  
         "All good words, Papa."
         "Bayless, let's get on to town lest they find your skin and bones by the side of the road. I can't have my husband starving to death and shaming me for it.”  
Alice snickered.
         “Ain’t that what I’ve been aiming to do ever since we left home?  I’ll not be stopping for any more roadside visits, you women folk can catch up in town.”  
     The family continued up the steep grade to a hilltop that overlooked the valley.  
        “Ain’t that a pretty sight, Papa?  Look at all them hills all laid out with their mounds of thick tufts of green grass.  Don’t it look like one of them high dollar Persian rugs?”     
     Hundreds of fluffy white sheep and dozens of does with their fawns sprinkled the hills.  The creatures grazed undisturbed on treats that Mother Nature had provided.  Oak trees and Manzanita bushes were plentiful and an assortment of bright leaves finished the canvas with a masterful touch that could not be painted with mortal hands.  
        “Lookie at all the croppie.* It's a wonderful site.  'Ol John up by Falls Creek says that the wolf packs are growing faster than the croppie herds.  He says it’s got him right uneasy.”  
    Momma glanced from her crocheting to Bayless with worried eyes.  
        “Don’t worry, Momma.  We’re keeping a close eye on our flock.  The neighbor men are organizing a hunt.  I’ll be going along with them to help thin out the pack.”  
     Momma turned again to the sight of hops gently sway in the soft breeze.
        “Ain’t nothing purtier than this crest view.  Them what come before us and discovered this land called it the Garden of Eden.  And it just might be, as far as I can tell.”  
    A sudden commotion drew Momma’s attention down the valley.  “What’s going on down there, Bayless? It looks like there might be trouble in paradise.”  
         “Land if I know, but whatever it is, it’s going to see to it that we don’t get to town anytime soon.”  
      Bayless snapped the reins.  The horses picked up their pace.  The nearer the family got to the valley floor, the louder they heard frantic sounds.    
         “Look out, Bayless!” Momma yelled as ten squealing pigs crossed the dusty road right in front of the buggy.  
          “Whoa boys!”  Bayless stopped the buggy.  He stood and climbed on the seat to look around.  “There’s a wagon pulled off to the side of the road,” he said.  
         “These pigs is right smart upset.  Toss them some Easters, Alice.” 
         "What?"
          "Well, with this fine herd of swine on the loose like this, we might just get ourselves some bacon and Easters!”  
         "Oh Papa, you mean throw them some eggs!”  
         "Bayless, be careful!"
    Bayless again takes his seat and steers the team slowly to the stopped wagon to avoid the stampeding pigs.
        “Something has done scared these pigs near to death.  I ain’t taking no chances of scattering them again.”
    When they arrived at the wagon, Bayless found his neighbor and pig farmer, Mr. Edgar Estell wrestling with a pig.
        “Dang nab it, I’m trying to get this one tied to the wagon but I got to use both hands to hold him!”  
     Bayless jumped from the wagon to help his neighbor. “What happened here?” He asked.  
     After they got the pig tied to the wagon, Mr. Estell leaned against the wagon wheel.  He was dirty and exhausted and said between hard breaths,
         “I was coming up the old dirt trail with my prize pigs.  On the turn back, I met up with Mr. Omar Robinson, the circus owner.  A’course he had his old grizzly with him.  Well, Sir, when that old bear growled, these crazy pigs went hog wild and broke out! Here’s Robinson now,” Estell said as he wiped his brow.  
         “I’m sorry about this sir.  I’ve asked some of my men to help gather your pigs. It seems that pigs and bears just haven’t learned how to get along.”
         “Nor will they Mr. Robinson!"  Estell growled in a less than friendly manner.
         “Why, I think these porkers should thank my bear for giving them a reprieve from the market and from someone's dinner table!" He breaks into laughter.  "Someone will have to have chicken tonight!” 
         “Save your jokes for the circus, Mr.Robinson.  If these pigs run themselves thin, they won’t make one good piece of bacon!  You’re gonna pay for this!”  Estell vowed.  
         "If I'm going to pay for this, you'd better be serving me humble pie with my bacon and eggs. This is an act of nature!"
      Bayless interrupted.  “We’re on our way to town.  I’ll see if we can send more help,” he added, anxious to stop the argument.  
        “Thank you kindly, sir. But my men have already taken care of that.  Help should show up anytime.  Hope someone sends a good cook.  I have my mouth set for some nice BACON and eggs!" Robinson slapped his knee and laughed.  
         "You'll pay for that bacon!”  Estell shouted as he chased off after his pigs.  
    Bayless muttered under his breath,   “We had to come to town today."  He released the buggy brake and said with a heavy sigh, “Giddy up!”  
    A smile creases Bayless’ face as he turns to his wife and daughter.  “It appears that the circus is already underway with a pig-tacular opening act.”
  Alice and Momma laughed with Bayless.  “Your daddy can make a joke out of a turnip patch or a mosquito swarm,” Momma said and patted Bayless arm with affection.    

                 
    Bayless kept the horses slow and cautious to avoid any costly encounters with the wayward pigs.  He yee-hawed them into a trot so they would pass the caged grizzly quickly before the horses could realize and react to the two ton danger.     
      “You know Momma, like as not, that circus is gonna set up its tents behind the hotel same place as last year.  Mr. Berry reserves that spot for that traveling carnival ever year when it comes to town.”          
        “I know, dear,” Momma replied.  
         “I reckon that you remember too, that we’ll be a’stayin at that very hotel this evening.”
          “We are?” Alice cried.   “Oh, Papa!  How exciting!”  
         “We’ll see,” her parents replied in unison as they exchanged smiling glances.
          “I rightly suspect we won’t be doin a lot of sleeping this evening,” Bayless said with an exaggerated sigh.